


my cowardice and your bad timing

by youcouldmakealife



Series: throw up your fists, throw out your wits [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:04:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcouldmakealife/pseuds/youcouldmakealife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nikita’s amusement is always at Luke’s expense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my cowardice and your bad timing

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from The Wombats' "Our Perfect Disease".
> 
> Thanks to Clo for repeatedly calling me a monster. Made me know I was doing a good job.

No matter what else Sidorchuk can fuck up for Luke, he can’t make sucking cock anything but good. Luke likes this, he’s always liked it, he’s always going to like it, and Sidorchuk’s the closest thing he has to familiar, the taste on his tongue, the stretch of his mouth always the same, the impatient handling of him that Luke allows because he likes it. Back when he was a kid he would have taken anything to please Sidorchuk, but now he takes his own pleasure, and nothing more. 

But he likes all of this; his knees aching on the hardwood floor, Sidorchuk’s hand cupped around the back of his head, the taste in his mouth, the way it will linger, the way he’s going to feel raw and used, which seems about right. At a certain point it isn’t Luke’s show anymore, Sidorchuk’s fucking his mouth with short, sharp thrusts, and Luke lets his eyes fall shut and takes that too, gags on him, which probably only turns both of them on more.

Sidorchuk says something Luke doesn’t hear, then pushes him off his cock, hand against his forehead. Luke glares up at him, licks over his lips, Sidorchuk’s eyes following the path.

“Let me fuck you,” Sidorchuk says, obviously not for the first time.

“No fucking way,” Luke says.

Sidorchuk sinks to his knees, mouth pressed against Luke’s jaw, his cheekbone, temple. Luke doesn’t push him off because, well. He doesn’t know why. He just doesn’t.

“Please,” Sidorchuk says, directly into Luke’s ear, and Luke shivers. “Let me fuck you.”

Luke can’t even remember the last time he was fucked. It takes a leap of faith he isn’t exactly willing to give, and it isn’t something that can comfortably be done bar bathrooms, he knows, since he’s fucked twinks up against the stalls, and it’s like a fucking yoga routine. 

Luke’s fucked Sidorchuk too, a couple times, like Sidorchuk’s been trying for penance or something. He doesn’t care, as long as he can have him.

The last guy to get his cock into Luke was Sidorchuk. And isn’t that a sad fucking thought. 

“Fine,” he says, finally. “Fine.”

*

Luke lost his virginity, or whatever remained of it, on his cramped billet bed. It probably would have been better in a hotel bed, at least there’d be a bit more room, but his billet parents had to head out of town because one of their moms was sick, or dying, or something, and there was no hockey on the immediate horizon, and Luke felt a little bit like a dick that he was excited to have them gone because of a sick old lady, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from inviting Nikita over for the night.

Technically he could have done this anyway, no one would think it was that weird that two guys from the same team were sleeping over at each other’s houses, but his door didn’t lock, and his billet parents were kind of overly helpful, so they’d probably be stuck playing video games or something while eating carrot sticks and then jerking it once Luke was sure the MacArthurs were asleep. That’s not even as much as they usually get up to after school. 

Hell, Luke doesn’t even know if Nikita likes him all that much, outside of the sex thing. Nikita’s definitely into fucking around with him, there’s no mistaking whether he wants Luke or not, but for someone Luke spends a hell of a lot of time with, he’s sort of absent, in his own head a lot, and Luke can’t figure him out. When there isn’t anyone else around, they’re all over each other, and when there are other people, Nikita does his own thing in proximity to Luke. Luke doesn’t know if he’d even _want_ to play video games, or just hang out, though he keeps himself from asking all the time, wants to so badly, because he wants Nikita around all of the time.

But Luke had mentioned his place being empty, and Nikita’s eyes had gone sharp, interested, and that evening he shows up at Luke’s door with a backpack like it’s a study sleepover or something, whatever he probably claimed, but for all Luke knows it’s just hundreds of condoms and some economy lube.

Turns out it’s a strip of condoms and a snap-top bottle, along with a change of clothes, because Nikita is smarter than Luke is about those kinds of things. He doesn’t find that out right away, though, first ends up getting off against the wall in his hallway, back pressed to it, leg hooked around the back of Nikita’s calf while Nikita jerks him off inside his sweats, and then when he’s come lazy, pliant, he lets Nikita shove him down to his knees, fuck his mouth, choke him on his cock. 

They microwave mini pizzas, eat them at the table, and Luke feels almost shy sitting across the table from Nikita, come drying tacky inside his boxers, Nikita unaffected as always, but he knows what’s going to happen, he’s pretty sure he knows, Nikita wanted time to do it right and they have all night with no hockey or chaperones or anything, and Luke keeps glancing at the bag, glancing at Nikita’s face, a little red because he can’t stop thinking about it, is half hard in his sweats just eating a fucking mini pizza because he wants Nikita’s cock in him and he thinks he’s going to get it.

He doesn’t think he eats any faster than usual, but he still has to stare down Nikita while he eats his food in the slowest fucking manner possible, mentally willing him to go faster, because the more Luke waits, the more nervous he gets, right now, and he doesn’t want to chicken out. Doesn’t think Nikita would actually call him on it, but he’d hate himself for it, begging for weeks and then changing his mind at the last second.

Finally, _finally_ Nikita finishes, and it’s all Luke can do not to grab him by the wrist and drag him upstairs, and Nikita clearly can tell, because he looks amused. Nikita’s amusement is always at Luke’s expense.

Nikita’s brought the bag, which is good, because Luke forgot it, and Luke looks at him, and then the bag, stalled for a second, before he just tugs his shirt off, because whatever, he’s not embarrassed about his body, he has no reason to be embarrassed about his body, and that tends to speed things up a bit.

It works, since by the time he’s got his shirt off, Nikita’s stripping too, so Luke just gets on with it, until he’s down to his boxers, shivering a little even though the house is heated. He hesitates on them, until Nikita raises an eyebrow at him like a dare, and then he drops those too, goes to sit on his bed, scratching at where some come has dried, tacky, on his hip.

“Did you--” Luke starts, but Nikita’s already going through the backpack, coming out with a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms. Luke is never going to be able to look at it sitting under Nikita’s desk again, will be getting distracted in English by not only Nikita, but also Nikita’s _bag_. Like Luke really needed more to be distracted by.

Luke doesn’t know what to ask, then, like, is he supposed to say ‘how do you want me’ or some shit? He’s watched a ton of porn, but he hasn’t exactly been in this position before. Nikita goes to sit beside him, and Luke swallows, thinks of the one thing that does usually happen, and leans in to kiss him, but Nikita’s already moving, mouth against the rabbit fast beat of Luke’s pulse, his tongue a hot line against Luke’s throat. 

Luke focuses on that, and on reminding Nikita that he better not leave another fucking hickey, because the guys have literally just stopped asking him if he has some secret girl, because clearly she _really_ likes him. Nikita hums against his skin and gets a hand around Luke’s cock, wet with lube, which Luke didn’t even notice him opening, but could not be more grateful for, because Nikita’s hand is slick and fast on his skin instead of the tight, almost painful drag he’s learned he likes a little masochistically. 

“Stop,” Luke says, “I’m gonna--Nikita, c’mon.”

“Go ahead,” Nikita says, a little muffled, then licks a line up Luke’s throat. “I like it when you are sensitive.”

Oversensitive, really, when every fucking move sends sparks through him and he isn’t sure if he enjoys it or it hurts, but it’s not like he can stop himself, Nikita’s hand not slowing down at all, and when he nips at the bob of Luke’s adam’s apple, Luke can’t help but come in his hand.

Nikita wipes his hands off on Luke’s sheets, and Luke half-heartedly scowls at him because that means he’s going to have to do laundry before the MacArthurs get back. 

“Need break?” Nikita asks. He sounds all concerned and nice about it, but he probably knows there’s no way Luke’s going to actually take him up on it. 

“Bring it,” Luke says, and Nikita laughs.

“Spread your legs,” he says, low, and Luke does, gets that mix of shame and pleasure he always does when he’s spreading his thighs the second Nikita asks, that feeling growing when Nikita slides down the bed, gets on his belly between Luke’s thighs. 

Luke instinctively tries to close his thighs, cheeks heating, but Nikita holds them open, leans in, mouth brushing Luke’s balls, and Luke isn’t going to do anything to stop that, too sensitive or not, so he relaxes.

He can hear the bottle, and he takes a breath. It’s not like they haven’t done this before, Nikita gets his fingers in him all the time, whenever they have time for more than a quickie before the MacArthurs come home from work, Nikita ends up fingering Luke, Luke pushing back against him, trying to take more. Luke didn’t know he could like anything as much as getting fingered, can’t believe that there’s something actually better than getting his cock sucked. And Nikita’s _good_ with his fingers, has managed to figure out exactly how to get Luke off fast, or tease him until he can’t take it, knows how to make him beg.

So he doesn’t know what’s different about this time, except that instead of just begging to get fucked, he’s going to actually get fucked, and he’s been building it up in his head. Also Nikita’s cock is really big, there’s no denying that one. But Luke’s a fucking hockey player, he’s taken a little pain before, and for less fun reasons than finally getting fucked.

The first finger’s easy, though Luke feels it more, everything so sharp when he’s still coming down from his last orgasm. The second’s almost too much, and Luke has to restrain himself from reaching down and grabbing Nikita’s wrist, so it’s good that he stays at two for awhile, until it’s less along the sharp line between pleasure and pain, and more the warm stretch Luke’s used to. It’s when Luke finally starts pushing back against his touch that he adds the third, presses a biting kiss to the inside of Luke’s thigh while Luke adjusts, watches himself stretching Luke open, and Luke always wonders how interesting it could actually be, but he can barely look at Nikita sometimes because it’ll make him go off too soon, is completely mesmerized by his hands, the dusting of hair on his chest, his nipples when they go tight and almost too sensitive to touch. If Luke is even half as interesting to Nikita as Nikita is to him, and he doubts that, he gets why Nikita watches him like that. Luke would do it more if he was brave enough.

“Niki,” Luke manages, “c’mon.”

Nikita looks up. “No one has ever called me that,” he says. 

Luke goes pink. Pinker. Something. It’s weird to suddenly be embarrassed when someone has three fingers in your ass. And over a freaking nickname. “Is it okay?” he asks, finally.

Nikita pulls out his fingers, slow, and the only reason Luke isn’t begging for them back is because he knows something else is coming. That or ‘Niki’ is some super rude thing in Russian and Nikita’s about to walk out on him. But he hopes it’s the first.

“Sure,” he says, offhand, and Luke exhales, relaxes until he hears the foil wrapper, the snap top again, and closes his eyes. “If you not want,” Nikita says, sounding kind of hesitant for the first time.

“I do,” Luke says. “Just, slow?” 

He sounds like a fucking blushing virgin. He sort of is, but this is fucking pathetic.

“Slow,” Nikita agrees, seriously, and then he’s nudging up against Luke’s hole, blunt hardness, and Luke shuts his eyes again as Nikita inches into him, feels like he’s burning up from the inside out, he’s so full, and it hurts but it’s amazing, like getting fingered but more overwhelming, and it’s Nikita in him, which means something. Luke doesn’t know what it means, exactly, but it’s definitely something. 

Nikita doesn’t move once he’s in him completely, waits for him to adjust, seems like he’d be fine continuing to wait, so Luke hitches his calves up around Nikita’s waist, says, “Okay,” maybe a little bit before he’s actually ready, but he doesn’t want Nikita thinking he’s a wimp about it, and he kind of likes it when it hurts, as long as it feels good too.

Nikita starts slow, like Luke asked for, but when he drags up against Luke’s prostate he doesn’t want slow anymore, just wants to feel him, wants to feel him for days, skate onto the ice and feel him, sit in English and feel him, watch the girls relentlessly flirt with him and know what they don’t, that Nikita had spread him out on his mattress and fucked him until he begged. And he does, asks for harder and faster, and then, when Nikita won’t oblige, he fucking begs, getting hard again, breath hitching whenever Nikita rubs up against the spot in him.

Nikita doesn’t slap Luke’s hand away from his cock when he gets a hand on it, maybe because he has to use both arms to brace himself on either side of Luke, chest gone slick with sweat as his hips steadily work to take Luke apart. Luke jerks himself off at the same pace, and when the rhythm starts to falter, goes uneven, Luke speeds up, because he knows that means Nikita’s going to come in him. For a second he stupidly wishes that there was no condom, that he was about to come hot inside Luke, that Luke would be able to feel it. He still knows when Nikita’s coming inside him, he goes still, lip between his teeth, and Luke can’t feel it, exactly, but just the thought, Nikita being in him, Nikita coming in him, makes it easy to stripe his belly with come, recover, breathless, under Nikita, who pulls out after a minute, groaning and nudging Luke over so he can lie down. 

There isn’t really room for the both of them, it’s a single and they’re not exactly small guys, but Luke doesn’t mind having every part of his body pressed against or overlapping a part of Nikita’s. He turns onto his side, rests his head on Nikita’s shoulder, lips brushing his skin, and Nikita pats him on the head a couple times. 

They sleep, and when they wake up, they do it all over again.

*

Luke needs to be firmer about not letting Sidorchuk in his bedroom. He didn’t even have the excuse of getting fucked, last time, but this time he’s rationalizing it by the fact there’s no lube in the living room and his knees aren’t really interested in rugburn, or any extended time on hardwood.

Since that seemed fine to him when it involved sucking Sidorchuk’s cock, even he knows that’s a bullshit excuse. At least it’s better than the motel beds, which remind him of their roadtrip explorations every time.

Luke grabs lube and a condom from his bedside table, though he has to check the expiry date first, because he doesn’t bring guys home. The condoms are fine, the lube half empty, and Sidorchuk’s face goes a little tight when he sees it, something Luke takes pleasure in and isn’t about to ruin by mentioning that he has a habit of fingering himself, and jerks off lubed up anyway. Not like Sidorchuk gave a shit when he was jerking Luke off on a regular basis.

Once he’s handed them off, Luke strips off his shirt, boxers, gets onto the bed, hands and knees, doesn’t bother to watch Sidorchuk strip. Less he sees of him the better, the best thing to do is treat this like an anonymous thing and know, however much of a bastard as Sidorchuk is, this isn’t going to haunt him in the morning except in the way that Sidorchuk always haunts him in the morning.

“Turn on your back?” Sidorchuk says.

“Nope,” Luke says, and Sidorchuk sighs but doesn’t ask again, palm rubbing Luke’s flank like he’s a fucking skittish horse that needs calming, before two slick fingers breach him. And Luke wasn’t ready for that, doesn’t finger himself enough, doesn’t get fucked, but he’s not going to let that fucker know, so he just exhales, watches his hands, fisted in the comforter already. He doesn’t even know how he’s supposed to wash this thing if he comes on it.

Luke’s just adjusting to the fingers, finally, the stretch starting to burn pleasantly like he always loved, like a muscle pushed hard, when Sidorchuk presses a kiss against the small of his back and Luke tenses up, the stretch painful all over again.

“I’m not your fucking girlfriend, you don’t have to get me in the mood,” Luke says, strained. “Just fuck me and then get out of my house.”

Sidorchuk mutters something in Russian that is no doubt uncomplimentary, but he pushes a third finger in fast enough, and slides his fingers out completely before Luke has adjusted properly. Good. It’s going to hurt, which is going to remind Luke of what a fucking idiot he was to agree to this.

Soon enough Sidorchuk’s nudged against him. This bit always hurt a little at first, it didn’t matter how much Nikita stretched him first, and sometimes that part lasted forever, something about it just fucking _fascinated_ Nikita, he could finger Luke for hours, make him come all over himself over and over until he was a sobbing mess, and then finally fuck him. It’s humiliating in hindsight, but at the time Luke had fucking loved it.

“Do it,” Luke says between gritted teeth, and the first push in him is a sharp, burning stretch. Luke always wanted Nikita to break him open, tear him apart, and that hits a little too close to home. He’s good at that. He’s always been good at that. That was another thing Luke wanted from him that he shouldn’t have. 

Sidorchuk doesn’t move at first, apparently something in him still good enough to stall, but Luke doesn’t want that, not from him, so he urges him along, sharp tongued, until Sidorchuk finally moves, the drag painful, Sidorchuk too big, too much, but Luke closes his eyes and takes it until it finally gets good, until it hits that edge of pain and pleasure that he loves, and he shifts back against it, doesn’t care if Sidorchuk thinks he’s being slutty, let him think that, let him think Luke’s a slut for everyone, not just him. It’s close enough to the truth, even if no one else has ever been inside.

Luke shouldn’t be hard, but he is, like the pain was part of the point, and he gets down on one elbow so he can get his hand around his cock, almost wants Sidorchuk to try to slap his hand away so that Luke has an excuse to break his fucking nose. He doesn’t, though, and Luke comes first, with Sidorchuk still inside him, should make him pull out, Luke still unsure to this day whether he likes it or not, and today isn’t any different, Luke wincing because everything’s too much, too soon, but Sidorchuk finishes quickly, pulls out and discards the condom before he lies down beside Luke. Luke waits until his breathing slows to almost normal, because he’s going to let the man catch his breath at least, he’s not a fucking monster.

Sidorchuk’s shifted close, too close, his body heat warming Luke from the inside out, when he finally starts to breathe normally. “Okay,” Luke says. “Get out.”

Sidorchuk rolls over to look at him.

“You got what you wanted,” Luke says, enunciates every fucking word. “Now get out.”

Sidorchuk gets up, and Luke closes his eyes, listens to the sound of him buckling his belt, the pad of footsteps towards his front door, and he waits until he’s positive Sidorchuk’s gone before he gets up to lock the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> [surprise tumblr mention!](http://youcouldmakealife.tumblr.com/)


End file.
